


Why We Ever

by rosesiris2020



Series: Petals for Armour [1]
Category: Bandom, Paramore
Genre: F/M, Petals For Armour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24011287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesiris2020/pseuds/rosesiris2020
Summary: Fic based on the song 'Why We Ever' from the album 'Petals For Armour'"I just wanna talk about it,I know I freaked you out,I just wanna talk about it,Sorry for freaking out"
Relationships: Hayley Williams/Taylor York
Series: Petals for Armour [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731733
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	1. why we ever prelude

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first time posting something I wrote and it was inspired by the new Hayley Williams, 'Petal for Armour'. I was a huge emo when I was a teenager but never particularly got into the fandom side of Paramore, and the recent release of some of the album got me interested and I started researching. Obviously, I can't claim to know exactly what inspired the songs but this idea came from the song 'Why We Ever', and based on what I've read, it could be somewhat based in reality, but who knows!
> 
> As I said, this is my first time writing something and publishing so please be kind (to everyone, not just me!) I left this open-ended with an idea for continuing it if anyone is interested so let me know!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

The music played quietly in the background, a song they all liked well enough but one that didn’t distract from the comfort of friendly silence that had taken over the living room. A life off tour was relatively similar if you overlooked the subtle fatigue and constant movement that came with their jobs, and they made sure to surround themselves with family and friends so they could battle off the loneliness and exhaustion of moving through new countries every week. Even though only Taylor had his brother alongside him, their crew was as good as family now. They were lucky that this continued off tour and helped to soften the transition back into normal life.

Hayley lay on the couch in Justin’s living room, appreciating the soft hum of the music, basking in the sense of ease that only came when surrounded by the people you trust most. It had been a difficult few months for her, she’d gone to intense therapy to work on some issues she’d pushed away for years which had left her drained. But pushing through it so that she could relax during and night with friends and not feel the pit of dread in her stomach form at the thought of being alone in her house at the end of the night was progress. She was proud of herself. She deserved this.

“Anyone for more wine?” said Justin, sticking his head through the door leading to the kitchen.

A chorus of no thank you’s responded to him, the night having already seen several bottles consumed between them all. Hayley considered it for a moment, but the soft haze she lay in was more than enough for her. She’d managed to rein back her drinking after tour, realising that it wasn’t going to help her forget her problems, just put them off until the next morning when she couldn’t avoid them. She knew her tolerance was fine considering she didn’t drink for the majority of her twenties, but the safety and comfort of being around friends meant that she’d consumed enough to add gentle lightheadedness to the pleasant haze of the evening.

Soft conversations continued amongst the group for the next half hour, careful to avoid waking the children upstairs. Hayley bobbed her head in a nod of agreement to plans being made for watching the predators game next week and listened with her eyes closed as someone mentioned a new bar opening in town.

Gradually the tone of conversation drifted to plans for tomorrow, a clear sign that everyone was slowly getting ready to leave. From her position on the sofa, she eventually sensed movement around her as her friends moved to gather their things and start to offer thanks to Justin and Jana for hosting. She couldn’t quite bring herself to open her eyes just yet and break the comforting haze the evening had created but felt herself smirking at the sound of Joey’s confused rant about his misplaced jacket which was immediately located by Jana.

Eventually, the room grew quieter after the group left with only the soft music playing and the distant sounds of Justin cleaning in the kitchen to be heard.

“Hey,” she heard and felt a gentle hand shaking her foot from where it was lay on the couch.

Hayley opened her eyes and saw the blurry outline of a face that she knew so well. The image of Taylor grinning at her slowly came into focus as she shook herself from the daze. She slowly sat up to sit on the couch and smiled back sleepily.

“I’m good to drive so I’ll give you a ride home,” he said softly. “Go find your jacket and we can get going.”

Hayley nodded and held out her hands for his help off the sofa. They were the hands of a guitarist and she felt the callouses that came from the job but felt reassured at the specific feel of Taylor, something that she only knew from years of close friendship.

“You good?” he said, whilst grinning at her sleepy expression, running his hands down her arms. This gesture was nothing new and on any normal day would be an act of comfort, but tonight Hayley felt a soft hum of excitement as he did it. Whether it was the buzz of alcohol or great mood the evening had left her in, she could help but tingle at the sensation.

Taylor didn’t notice this and moved away to start gathering his things. Hayley watched as he moved and appreciated his deliberate movements and how the shirt he was wearing helped to flatter the broader his slim figure. There was no doubt that he was a handsome guy, she’d told him that before and seen thousands of girls through the years lose their minds at the sight of him on stage. Even women on the street would react to the sight of him walking past, completely unaware of their interest. Hayley wondered if it was the curls that did it for them, or the handsome face and trendy clothes that she was admiring right now.

He turned looked at her whilst putting his phone in his jacket pocket.

“Hayley, you want to start moving?” he said, confused but seemingly amused at her lack of movement. This broke her out of the daze that formed whilst she was staring at him and she felt a slight warmth in her cheeks as she realised there was no way he hadn’t realised she’d been ogling him.

Ogling? She thought she wasn’t really that drunk but clearly her mind was willing to wander to places that she usually avoided to maintain the purity of their friendship. Whatever it was about the evening and the mood it had put her in, she couldn’t bring herself to care about that right now. She was a single woman who’d had no kind of action since she’d asked for the divorce, and when she really thought about it, it had actually been months before even then. What was wrong with the confidence the night had given her, it certainly wasn’t a crime to appreciate an attractive man when she saw one. It wasn’t even a crime to appreciate what those jeans did for his legs, the way all normal friends would, of course.

“Hayley I swear if you don’t get your –“ Taylor called jokingly from the hall. Hayley cut him off with a sound that she hoped would sound casual and proceeded to make her way towards where he and Justin were chatting in the hall about plans for tomorrow, trying to gather her stuff on the way and push down the giddy buzz the night and her recent viewing experience had given her.

“And she’s finally ready!” Justin said good-naturedly, handing her the sunglasses she had been wearing earlier when she had arrived. She grinned at his teasing and leaned to toward Taylor, who held a hand on her mid-back to hold her steady. The feeling of his hand on her back, whilst it wasn’t something she hadn’t felt before, made the little hairs of her arms tingle and formed a smile on her face before she realised it had happened.

The need to leave and be alone with him overwhelmed her and she hurriedly gave her thanks to Justin for the evening and started to subtly push Taylor towards the door. His hand slid down to hers to lead her away, something they’d done on hundreds of times before, even on stage, but right now all Hayley could think about was how warm it was in hers, the size of his compared to hers made her feel so feminine in a way that made her stomach twist in a heady way.

Once she heard the sound of the door shut, she turned and looked up at him. His surprise at the sudden change of pace when less than a minute ago all she seemed to want was to quickly leave made him quirk an eyebrow at her and grin with a questioning look.

“What’s up with you tonight? You in a good mood or something?” he asked teasingly. “You were so chilled before everyone left and now you’re smiley and off in some other world.”

“Well maybe I’m just in a good mood tonight,” she said, taking a step closer. She was feeling loose and bolder than she had in months.

“Yeah I can see that,” He said laughing, seemingly unaware of what she was trying to achieve. They were stood on the drive away, and the air was warm despite the breeze. She moved to slide her arms around his waist whilst still smiling up at him, needing to be closer.

“You cold tonight? We can get in the car if you want, and I’ll get you home to Alf,” he said, but returning to the hug nonetheless.

“No, that’s not what I want right now, T.” she whispered into his shirt. God, he smelled good.

“Well do you know what you want, Miss Williams?” he joked and began to rub her back, trying to bring some warmth to her petite frame.

“Yeah, I think I do,” she now vocalised, spurred on by the feeling of his strong hands on her back. She moved her arms to wrap around his neck and moved her face closer.

Taylor freezes slightly, eyes widening. “Hayley what are you –“

“Showing you what I want,” She says, grinning at him and angling her head. “Just go with it, I promise you it’s what I want”.

Her head was practically spinning at this point, the excitement of her own bold actions and her proximity to his face. She could tell he was speechless but the slight movement of his hands to her waist confirmed he was interested too.

She toyed with the soft hair at his nape and pulled him in. Screw the consequences of it, it’s what she wanted right now and the shy grin that was covering his face right now confirmed he did too. Deep down she knew he’d always had a thing for her, it was easy to see when she thought of the way he protected her and cared for her in a way that most people didn’t see. He was always careful of how he acted towards her, caring but never too forward. But this was what they both wanted right now, and she felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of breaking years of built-up tension and making him happy in a way she knew only she could.

“Taylor, just kiss me,” She whispered against his lips. She clung on to him even tighter, not sure if her knees would give out from the overwhelming feeling of excitement and arousal or the light-headedness she had felt since earlier this evening. Her brain couldn’t quite process that right now but she was confident it didn’t matter, she wanted this right now and she knew he’d wanted it for years. She knew he would be feeling just as giddy as her, its what he’d held back for years. “Please.”

He nodded and finally leaned in the rest of the way and connected with her. She moaned and gave a sigh of relief when she got what she wanted and angled her head further to deepen it. She felt him smile into her lips and couldn’t help but pull him in tighter. It felt so good and right. It began to escalate quickly as he pressed her against the wall and hands started to roam to places beyond the boundaries of friendship. She almost felt like her body was glowing with pleasure when the porch light suddenly turned on.

They immediately jumped back and looked to the opening door. The realisation of what had just happened hit her like a slap on the cheek.

“T, you left your keys on the table!” Justin called into the night, quickly spotting Taylor as he moved in the light. “How long did it take you to realise?” he said, laughing.

“Oh we were just – “ Taylor began gesturing between the two of them, a faint smile still on his face.

“Just searching on the floor around the car for them, pretty stupid of us, right? Maybe just a bit too much wine.” Hayley spoke over him, trying to explain why they could still be there and looking anywhere but at Taylor. She could see him slowly drop his hands in her peripheral vision. She couldn’t look directly at him right because she knew the look of hurt that just crossed his face. It had dawned on him what was happening now. That pleasant haze she had felt this evening had disappeared in an instant.

“I think you might be onto something with there, Hayls,” Justin laughed and tossed Taylor the keys. He looked at his brothers face with a look of concern, clearly sensing that something wasn’t right with him. “You good bro?”

“Yeah sure, I’m fine” he muttered, his cheek burning crimson as if he’d been hit.

“Thanks for tonight Justin,” Hayley said hurriedly, needing to be anywhere but here right now. “Let’s go T.”

She turned quickly and walked down the drive with her head down, folding her arms across her chest to form a barrier to protect herself. What had she just done? She’d given into an impulse after having a few glasses of wine and convinced Taylor and herself that kissing against the garage wall was a good idea. She’d known Taylor had always wanted her and she’d made a move on him because she knew he would be into it. God, she’d just kissed her best friend without considering anything, including his feelings, and then she’d immediately acted as if nothing had happened. She’d really fucked up. The shame of it all burned in her face.

She could hear Taylor calling out as he ran down the drive after her but she continued pacing to the car, refusing to engage.

“Hayley, please wait!”

“Let’s just get in the car, T.”

“Please talk to me!”

“Get in the car now, Taylor.” She yanked on the door handle.

She heard his movement stop and she looked up. He stood there in the middle of the road staring at her, the hurt evident in his entire body. The disbelief in what was happening was set in his eyebrows as he watched her. The pain of how she was reacting to him was clear in his eyes. She stared back and yanked the door handle again.

He looked down suddenly, and she could see him swallowing, probably the realisation that she wasn’t going to discuss this with him. The shame and guilt burned harder in her face but she just couldn’t do this right now. She had to get away from him and think. She pulled on the door handle one more time and his shoulders slumped.

“Okay,” he muttered softly and unlocked the car.

Once the door opened, she immediately jumped in and slammed in shut, staring out the window to avoid him.

“Hayley,” he spoke quietly, reaching across the console to touch her elbow. She shrugged it off because any physical touch reminded her of the feel of her arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“Please just drive,” she spluttered out wetly, refusing to remove her gaze from the silhouette of a tree outside.

Eventually, the car engine started and they began to move. Hayley felt burning in her eyes as her vision swam and the thumping of her blood beat against her temples. The car was silent but no music could drown out the ringing in her ears when she thought about what just happened.

Luckily the drive was only minutes long but as the streets became more recognisable, the panic in her stomach began to fester. Her knee bounced violently as she became more and more impatient to get out. She knew if she looked at him right now, she would see the strong line of his jaw with the corners of his mouth turned down which it did when people had let him down in the past. She couldn’t see that and know she caused it.

Eventually, the car pulled up to her house and she heard him sigh and moved to lie his head on the steering wheel for a second. All she wanted was space to breathe and think about what had just happened but she couldn’t force her body to move. The air seemed thick, thicker than just a regular warm night. She swallowed hard and wiped her hand across her eyes. Months’ worth of therapy to improve her relationships and she’d managed to hurt one of the only people who mattered. Fuck.

She finally turned to look at him quickly and saw him upright with his open his mouth to speak, but no words came out. She could barely look at him and know he was hurting because she wouldn’t acknowledge what had happened. She needed to get out before and get away from him before what was left of their relationship crumbled.

She quickly tried to gather her things, keys spilling out of her bag which only slowed down the process and seemed made the whole thing worse. God, she felt like she was only dragging out the situation longer and making this worse for him. She’d told him she wanted it, practically begged him to kiss her and now he couldn’t even get her to look at him. All she had wanted only twenty minutes ago was to be as close as possible to him and now she was actively trying to get rid of him, but she knew he didn’t realise she was doing it for his own benefit.

She had reached for the door handle when he finally whispered: “Hayley, please I - ”. The pain and confusion were evident on in his voice and it only spurred on her to move quicker. She hopped out the car and turned to close it. She forced herself to look up at him, but the hurt look on her face was too much. She needed to get away so she could think, and she couldn’t do anything else tonight to keep that look on his face. Realising her own actions had done that in the first place knocked the wind out of her. When their eyes made contact and no words came out, his mouth pinched and eyes became glassy before he quickly looked down. She heard him swallow again, audibly trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. It was too much.

The car door slammed shut.


	2. Repercussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thank you for the reponse to the last part, I really didn't expect more than like 5 people to read it so I'm glad people liked it! I think there could be one more part to this if anyone interested so let me know! Enjoy!

It was mid-morning before Hayley pulled herself out of bed, mainly because she knew she had to let Alf outside. He was sat waiting patiently by the door when she finally found him, and the guilt of making him wait for her to get herself together hit her. Great, she thought, yet another selfish decision Hayley, well done. 

After sorting Alf and his needs, she settled herself on the sofa with a mug of tea and hefted her laptop on her lap to start replying to some emails. Brian needed some more sample colours approving before they continue processing the new range and she should have replied to him early that morning. The work was finally finished after she forced herself to concentrate but it did occur to her that what could have easily been done in twenty minutes had taken nearly an hour. Her mind wouldn’t settle and the shame of what had happened last night was slowly starting to gnaw into her concentration. So her strategy of ignoring it clearly wasn’t working, cool.

She hadn’t heard from Taylor today, not that she expected to after the way she left the other night. That feeling of genuine confusion and true pain that was etched in his whole body told her that this wasn’t one of their fights that was going to be solved with a few hours apart. This wasn’t a disagreement on how a melody should sound during the chorus, this had the potential to ruin them. The band. God, Taylor must furious she put their careers in jeopardy.

That’s what was killing her right now, she hadn’t thought about any of that. Sure, she had drunk a bit of wine but what had happened couldn't be classified as a drunken mistake. It only made her feel more confident that she knew what she wanted when she asked him to kiss her. She knew she wanted him. She probably had for longer than she was willing to admit right now, it had just never been the right time for multiple reasons. But then the other night really felt like it was, everything about that moment had told her that it was time to make the leap.

So why had she reacted like she did?

She knew that if Justin hadn’t interrupted then it would have gone much further, its obviously they had both wanted it to. So why did she freak out on him? It’s not like Justin knowing would have been a problem, he’s Taylor’s brother and basically hers at this point. He probably would have said something to make Taylor blush but he wouldn’t have minded. Taylor seemed like he was going to tell him anyway. So why did she choose to deny it even happened?

God, Taylor must be freaking out right now, he’d worked so hard for the band and the friendship they had and she hadn’t even looked at him or give him an explanation why she was mad that he had done just what she asked. It wasn’t like it was a bad kiss, it was great in fact. Pretty much one the few true moments of joy that she’d felt in a long time. It was like a dam had burst and years of tension and unacknowledged interest in each other had poured out until she blocked it up until they sat in his car in painful silence.

She was going to have to speak to him at some point and reassure that everything was fine, the band was fine and she was sorry for putting him in that position. They could move past this and forget about the feelings because it clearly wasn’t going to work. She couldn’t lose him when he was one of the few people that mattered, and she couldn’t put herself through the pain of another guy getting what they needed and then leaving.

She’d chat to him tonight to let him know they were cool so they can move on, even if it’s not what she wanted.

\--

It took a while to she pulled herself together and get on with the rest of her day, but her mind wandered back to that driveway a few times. She’s a single woman and it was a great kiss, so what? The group chat from the other night had suggested meeting up at that new bar and there was no point in sitting at home alone when she could go and speak to Taylor then and sort it out, so she got dressed in something more presentable than sweats and t-shirt and headed out.

The drive to the location was pretty quick, everyone preferring local joints these days to the glitzier places downtown. She headed in and immediately saw the heads of Joey and possibly Logan, harder to tell with his back turned. She approached the group and exchanged the standard greetings, it was all pretty casual since they last saw each other so recently. She scanned the group and didn’t spot the familiar curls of Taylor, which was completely fine because she realised he was probably just at the bar or outside in the smoking area.

She was more than happy to wait, Joey immediately pointing out a photo on his phone from last night that made her laugh. That was the brilliance of the way her life was now, she could relax with her favourite people and feel content with that. Realising when the photo was taken had jarred her slightly but not enough to signal to Joey that anything was wrong. He was one of her closest friends and whilst she appreciated his concern for her wellbeing, she really just wanted to talk to Taylor about before anyone else heard about it.

After ten minutes of chatting with the boys about the new plans for the hair company, Hayley searched the room again for Taylor. He wasn’t typically a tardy person and it odd that he would be smoking a cigarette for that long.

“Hey Justin,” she called to his brother, who turned around and grinned.

Fuck, he knows.

“You good, Williams?” he replied.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She said, casually. “Where’s Taylor, did he say he would be late or something?” God, Justin if you know then please don’t say anything more right now.

“Oh he’s not coming,” he explained simply, “said something about not feeling up to it today, need some time at home.”

So, Justin clearly didn’t know anything since he didn’t seem suspicious of Taylor’s answer. He was much more social than his public image would suggest but he was known to need space every once in a while.

“That’s all he said?” Hayley asked. If Taylor was going to tell anyone, it would be his brother. Or maybe Zac. But she hadn’t heard from him which would be very out of character if he had been told that they nearly hooked up, and Justin seemed to believe Taylor just needed a night in. Fine, so Taylor wasn’t telling anyone as well. Cool. Great. He probably just wants to ignore it as much as she did.

“Yeah, pretty much. Why, something wrong?” he said, concerned.

“No, don’t worry about it. Just was expecting him, needed to discuss something but it can wait.” She said, ready to move on. Joey appeared back at her side with a shot in hand, and passed it to her with a wink.

Her stomach twisted at the thought of Taylor sat home alone, purposely distancing himself because of something she did. She would send him a text maybe and ask if he was coming, just to show she wasn’t upset with him. It would be better to keep it friendly so they can move past it quicker.

The knot in her stomach twisted when she realised that’s not what she even really wanted. She downed the shot.

\--

Fuck, he hadn’t replied to her text, she noticed two hours later.

The buzz of alcohol had kicked in and seeing that he had ignored her pissed her off. Yes, she made a decision, acted on it and the repercussion could have effected their career, but she’s not going to let it go further so he should be grateful and stop being a child about it.

Fuck, why hadn’t he come?

She just wanted to speak to him, and his decision to ignore her just irritated her. Whether it was the alcohol or her need to be around him talking, she contemplated just calling a taxi and going to see him. She felt like making a bold statement would show him just what she meant, and the night was probably going to wind down soon anyway.

“Hey Joe,” she said to Joey, touching his arm to get his attention. “I’m going to catch a taxi and head out so I’ll see you guys at the game next week.”

“Oh let me come with you, it’s on the way!” he said, clearly not sensing her hurried tone.

“Oh erm, I’m not going to my house,” she said, hoping he would take the hint and stop drawing attention.

“Oh hang on, Miss Hayley, whose house are you off to?” he grinned, waggling his brows.

“No no,” she laughed awkwardly, trying to remain casual. “Just got to see a friend, I promise!” She really deserved an Oscar for this performance.

She eventually managed to convince him to let her go by herself and quickly said goodbye to the rest of the group before leaving the bar.

\--

By the time the taxi pulled up to Taylor’s house, she’d luckily sobered up a bit. The discussion wasn’t going to be helped if he thought she’d made another drunk decision.

She ran up the drive quickly and knocked on the door.

When there was no reply, she banged a bit louder. Taylor lived in a nice area so there was no reason that the loud banging would be an issue. When he didn’t answer, Hayley sighed. She could see the lights on in the living room and she knew he was home.

“T, please open up!” she called, “I need to speak with you”. When she was met with further silence, she banged harder.

“Taylor, come on,” she called louder, slightly panicked. “Please open the door, I need to see you, I’m worried!” This was the longest she’d ever stood on his porch, usually she just walked right in.

The eventual sound of footsteps in the hallway sounded out and she sighed with relief that he was willing to speak to her.

“Hey,” he said quietly, standing in the doorway, biting his lip.

“Hey you,” she replied, happy just to see him. With further inspection, she noticed his slumped shoulders and nervous demeanour.

“Listen, we need to talk about it. I know I messed up last night, I didn’t mean to act like that.” She said, rambling.

He looked up and watched her, a slight gleam of hope or surprise in his eyes. Good, keep going.

“I need to let you know I regret how I acted, I know you are concerned about the band and I –

“Wait what?” he said, clearly confused. “You think I’m mad because what happened could effect the band?”

“Well yeah, you work so hard and I know that –

“No, you don’t know,” he said lightly, cutting her off whilst shifting his balance. “You think you know but you don’t.” His tone wasn’t raised, just confused but determined.

“I get that you’re mad it happened,” she said, trying again.

“I don’t care that it happened, well no actually I’m glad it did. Hayley, I’ve wanted that for so long and you’ve got to know that by now. What I’m mad about is that you pushed me away and wouldn’t speak to me and I’ve still got no clue why! I don’t care about the band, well okay I obviously do but I care about us.” He was speaking quicker now, looking at her directly in the eye. She could see now that he was clearly hurt by the her own actions towards him, not just the situation.

“You know what, I want there to be an us,” he continued. “And I thought the last night telling me you wanted it as well. I don’t know if I completely wrong about that – “

“No, you’re not!” She quickly cut in. This conversation was not what she expected to happen but she had enough sense to let him know that it meant something to her as well.

There was a flicker in his eye as he realised what she said before he looked down again and swallowed. “Well who knows, not me that’s for sure,” he huffed self deprecatingly, “but if you want it to be something then I’m going to be honest and say that I do too.” He mumbled.

What? Well, this really wasn’t what she expected but she couldn’t say she was mad at her failed expectations. Was she grinning? She couldn’t tell. Then he looked at her again, his face serious.

“But Hayley, you’ve got to show me that you’re going to hold yourself responsible and try and work things out with me when it gets tough or we might as well quit whilst we’re ahead. You know I love being your friend and I do want more, but the thought of you treating at me the way you did in the car and feeling how I felt, that’s not something I can handle again.”

She nodded, ashamed of what she put him through. She knew last night that he was upset with her but somehow it hadn’t occurred to her that it was more than just how it would affect the band. God, she was such an idiot, of course, he was upset with how she acted when Justin came outside.

“Why did you act like that?” he asked quietly, needing to have an answer.

“I really don’t know,” was all she could whisper. He nodded and pushed his shoulders back.

“Listen, if you can show me that you can do that, then I promise I’ll make you the happiest girl in the world,” he said softly. They smiled at each other but she could see he was restraining himself for some reason. “But I can’t put myself in that position if I don’t think you could promise to do that for me.”

She nodded but looked down because she couldn’t think of what to say. Of course, he was upset about the way she had treated him, he was a sensitive guy and she loved that about him. The realisation of what he was proposing made her stomach twist but not in a bad way. It seemed to spur her, she wanted to figure out how to make this work because seeing him right now was the best part of the day even when he had essentially just told her off.

“Okay, I want to try,” she said softly, “I really do. I’m sorry for how I acted last night, you’re right, I do need to figure out what made me act like that. I’ll get my shit together and I’m going to show you that this can work, because I really think it can.”

He looked up at her, eyes slightly glassy but she could see a light in them. His cheeks blushed slightly as he registered what she had just told him. The softest smile broke out on his face when he chuckled at her response.

“Well I’m glad we spoke, it’s been eating at me all day. But really think if it’s worth it Hayley, there’s a lot at stake if we can’t make it work.”

She nodded again, trying to reassure him that she would.

He smiled at her softly and leaned out of the doorway. He lowered his head to hers and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Goodnight Hayles.”

She closed her eyes and savoured the moment whilst he closed the door. That wasn’t at all what she expected to happen. Better even.

She tilted her head and felt the warm air of Nashville. Time to get to work.

She pulled out her phone to call a cab and waited by the road. Her phone buzzed a minute later and she checked the text.

_I’m not mad, I just want to sort this. Thought you should know that x – T_

She smiled at the phone. Whatever she needed to do was worth it.

As the taxi pulled up, she opened her contacts and pressed the ring button.

“Hey Zac, you good to chat?”


	3. Pure love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay, I got stuck on how to write this chapter, but after seeing some nice comments about my work I felt so motivated to give it a go! So enjoy the chapter, hope it lives up to whatever you wanted it to be!
> 
> This one was slightly inspired by Pure Love (probably not a coincidence that it's the next song on the album)
> 
> Thanks for reading this fic and sticking around as I tried to figure out what I wanted to do with it, it means a lot! I wrote another fic called 'In a rush' in the meantime if anyone is interested, it's much lighter and just supposed to be some fun so check it out if you're interested!
> 
> Thanks again for your support!

“So, you’ve got a thing for guitarists then, huh?”

Hayley could practically hear Zac wiggling his eyebrows, the grin that would be painted across his face.

They’d be on the phone since Hayley got in the taxi at Taylor’s, mostly just catching up. There were a few people she could have rung to talk to about her situation with Taylor but Zac just made the most sense. He and Taylor had been best friends for the better part of eighteen years and knew each other inside and out. Hayley knew he was an incredibly loyal friend, who despite all his joking and quirks, truly valued his friendship with both her and Taylor. She could rely on him for good advice underneath all the clowning that came along with having any conversation with Zac.

She stopped where sat on her sofa and considered his words. He certainly had a point.

“Yeah, I guess do.” She chuckled somewhat, not sure about how she felt about that revelation.

Zac must have sensed her mood and cleared his throat. “Well you couldn’t have picked a better one,” he said sincerely. Hayley smiled, knowing it was true.

“I’ve just got to make sure this actually happens then,” she joked, trying to mask the seriousness of her words.

“Hayley,” Zac spoke, still as sincere as before, “The issue isn’t that Taylor doesn’t want to be with you, you and I both know that’s something he’s wanted for a while. It’s that he needs to know this isn’t going to go bad for him when shit gets real. You got to prove that to him.”

“I know, but I don’t know how,” she admitted, dejected she couldn’t do that for her own best friend.

“Listen, just take your time together, start slow and let it build. There’s no rush to get married or have a kid or anything, you just got to show him that this is real and you’re dedicated to keeping it going.”

She sighed, realising he was right. “What’s going to show him I mean what I said, that I want to get my shit together and do this right?”

“Well, I don’t wanna speak out of turn or anything, tell me to shut up if I am,” Zac warned, “Dude, we are all so proud of you for how far you’ve come, but maybe the work hasn’t ended, maybe you’ve got to do some more work on yourself to figure out why you acted like that outside of Justin’s?”

Her default position was to be outraged at his words, but her gut twisted in a way that told her she knew he was right. If she wanted the relationship to have any chance, then she couldn’t act like she had after they kissed. It was too risky to put everything at stake like that, and she saw how it had affected him.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she sighed, aware this process was going to take much longer than she anticipated. She’d never been in a relationship that hadn’t gone from zero to a hundred in less than a few days. This was new territory for her. “You’re much wiser than you let most people believe,” she joked, knowing he would understand that she was using humour to show her gratitude.

“I got your back Williams,” he replied, also joking but she could hear the truth in his voice. “Y’all can still hang out and stuff, just don’t let it get too serious before you know you can commit.”

“Yeah, that’s true!” she replied brightly, trying to lift the mood. It felt weird being serious with Zac for too long, even though that’s why she called him.

“He’s in a vulnerable position right now, he showed you his cards and he can’t be the only one to make this work. Just show him you are willing to be vulnerable as well and take a chance on the relationship. You got this, you just got to do the work.” Damn him and his wisdom.

She nodded even though he couldn’t see her, it was painful to vocalise what she was thinking right now.

“Thanks, Zac,” she said softly, truly meaning it. “You’re a great friend, to me and T.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said bashfully, deflecting the compliment. “Anyway, enough of this serious stuff, give me the rest of the gossip from Nashville, I miss that place!”

Hayley chuckled and adjusted herself on the sofa, settling in to chat with her friend.

\--

It was a pleasant Nashville day when she left her third session at the therapist’s office a few weeks later. It had a been only been a few months since she last had an appointment and she’d forgotten how drained it left her. She was proud of herself for doing it but man it sucked sometimes.

She got in the car and closed her eyes for a second to bask in the warmth of the sun shining through her windows. It felt good to take a minute to relax after bringing up some heavy shit in her appointment.

After she took some deep breaths to loosen up, she grabbed her bag from the other seat to dig for her phone. She’d spoken to him a few times over text after she left his place, but she was yet to tell him about the therapy appointments.

She let the phone connect through the Bluetooth function and pulled out of the parking lot as she began to drive. It only took a few rings before he answered.

“Hey,” Taylor’s voice came through the speakers.

“Hey you,” she spoke, happy to hear his voice.

“How you doing?” he asked genuinely.

“I’m good T, how have you been?”

“Not up to much, I’ve been writing some stuff, but I’m not sure if it’s any good. You ring just for a chat?” he asked, curious.

“Erm, no I wanted to tell you something actually,” she said, taking a breath. “I started therapy again, but it’s for my relationships this time. I’m starting to work on it.”

Hayley wasn’t sure but she might have stopped breathing whilst she waited for his reply.

“Wow, that’s great Hayley!” he replied, shock and pride in his voice. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah well something happened and I realised I needed to sort myself out, there’s this guy and I think it could be good with him, so I kind of owe it to myself to try,” she teased.

She heard him chuckle into the phone, he was definitely blushing.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. He must be a lucky guy!” he teased back, understanding what she was implying.

“Well, I think he’s pretty great. Hey, you want to hang out later? Maybe take Alf on a walk or something?” she asked, bracing for his answer. Sure, they were flirting a bit but she didn’t know how he felt about the whole situation yet.

“Yeah, I’d love to Hayles,” he replied genuinely, “You sure your man wouldn’t mind?” he added teasingly.

She chuckled at his dumb response.

“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll be fine with it,” she joked back in mock seriousness, “Six sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” he said. She could hear his smile.

“Listen T, I just got home so I’ll speak to you later,” she said as pulled into her drive. She didn’t particularly want to hang up but she’d see him later.

After exchanging goodbyes and getting out of the car, she set out to get the rest of her day sorted. The therapy had left her heavy but she couldn’t shake that light feeling in her chest.

\--

It was 5:53pm and Hayley had changed her outfit three times in the past ten minutes. It was just a dog walk but she couldn’t help but care more than she normally would. She settled on her original outfit, confident she looked decent enough and took some more breaths to calm herself.

She heard Alf bark downstairs, alerting her that Taylor must have arrived. She darted down the stairs and rushed to the door as quickly as possible

“Hey,” she smiled at him as she opened the door, slightly out of breath from her sudden movement.

She took in the sight of him, slightly nervous but still the guy she knew so well. She appreciated the view.

“Let me grab Alf’s lead and we can go,” she rushed out, excited to get moving. He laughed and nodded, moving to the side to let her out.

After locking up the house and setting off to the nearest park, they walked in comfortable silence, appreciating the warmth of the evenings in Nashville summers.

They were around five minutes into the walk before Hayley spoke.

“So I was speaking to my therapist,” she began before pausing. As she glanced at him and noticed he was smiling at her encouragingly.

“We’ve been talking about my parents and how my childhood affected the way I act in relationships,” she breathed. “Turns out I was more fucked than I realised!” she tried to joke.

“Nah, you’re not fucked,” he replied, eyes softening. “Sure, you’ve got some issues but haven’t we all? God knows you’ve seen me at my worst. But it’s the effort you’re making to get better that which matters.”

She stopped and looked at him, shocked at the tears that were already forming in her eyes from just his words. He smiled at her sweetly. She knew he was a good guy, but she was constantly shocked at his capacity for empathy, even when she thought she didn’t deserve it.

“I was a dick to you when we left Justin’s, I know I told you I’m sorry but I really want you to know that wish it hadn’t happened that way.” She looked him in the eye, trying to convey just how bad she felt.

He reached down and laced his fingers into hers and squeezed lightly.

“I know you are, and it means a lot that you know that it wasn’t right. Listen, we make all mistakes and you are already trying to fix them which is better than I could have asked for.” He smiled at her and reached up to wipe the stray tear that had fallen. “Come on, let’s get rid of those tears. You know what it’ll do for my reputation if people find out a girl cried on the first date with me?”

She laughed wetly and grinned up at him. “Oh, this a date, is it?” she teased with mock surprised.

He blushed bright red and chuckled shyly.

“Yeah I was kind of hoping that it was,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulled her in tighter.

“Well I guess it is then,” she grinned, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned in to bring her face closer to his.

Their faces were inches apart for a second as they breathed and basked in the proximity of their closeness. After a few more seconds, Taylor nudged closer with his brows raised in question.

Hayley nodded and closed the distance. Their lips met briefly before they pulled back and smiled. She pulled on the short hairs at the back on his head to pull him back in and deepened it slightly. Their lips moved for a few more moments before Taylor pulled back with a groan.

“We shouldn’t,” he murmured, but pecked her a few more times of good measure. “We can’t rush this, it’s too important to get carried away with.”

She hated that he was right but nodded and pulled away.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she replied sadly but grabbed his hand to keep him close. Zac’s advice had been to take it slow but he didn’t say anything about keeping it strictly platonic.

“We can take this day by day right now, make sure it’s working for both of us before we dive into something that’s not right. We’ve got to make sure neither of us falls into the same mistakes we’ve made before,” he said, looking at her pointedly.

She nodded and smiled at him, squeezing his hands a few times. This was already different from her past relationships. She didn’t have that desperate need to be loved by the guy who fit the criteria she thought she needed as she did with Josh, or someone coaxing her into a destructive relationship she was too young to even understand like it had been with Chad.

This was Taylor.

The guy who stuck by her when shit the fan and walked her through the worst moments of her life without expecting her to see him as anything but a platonic friend who cared. The guy who cared about her enough to ensure she was ready for a relationship instead of rushing her to hook up. The guy who was worth exposing her most vulnerable sides too, to let her guards down for and to work on issues she’d buried long ago.

The haze of the moment was broken by Alf barking at them, probably to hurry up and continue his walk. They laughed and continued walking, their hands still clasped.

Everything wasn’t magically fixed, and Hayley knew she had miles to go before she would be ready to give everything that this relationship needed. But she was ready to try.

And that was enough for now.


End file.
